Love and sex you never got from your marriage

You thought the rich and beautiful are happily married. You thought wrong. They are as unhappy as the poor and the plain looking. Why is everybody looking for a lover?

With each passing day, there are more and more women crawling out of Tiger's woodwork. Nightclub hostesses, porn stars, TV presenters, waitresses. The latest figure on the number of women in Tiger Wood's married life besides his wife Elin is 10, a figure that is unlikely to stand the test of time.

We tend to believe Super Man is someone who flies around with chuds worn over his pants and saves the world from aliens who will curl their lip at anything less than total destruction. Actually, a Super Man is anyone who does what no man can do better. Muhammad Ali was one. Garry Kasparov is another. Bill Gates a third.

Tiger Woods can see a hole in the grass 300 yards far and he is better than anyone born yet to swing and slip a ball into it smooth as a coin in a slot. Woods is one of our Super Men. Besides, he is tall and handsome and worth over $500 million. And married to a pretty pout like Elin.

Why is he looking for sex - and, perhaps, love - outside marriage?

It is not just Woods, of course. There are any numbers of beautiful people who have seemingly got everything, but who are looking for more outside home.

Consider a few names: Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley were almost as good as married. And then Grant bought some sex from a prostitute, Divine Brown, in Sunset Boulevard. He lost Hurley.

Ethan Hawke was with Uma Thurman for a while. But he couldn't bear that happiness for too long and strayed. And Thurman walked out.

Former New York governor Eliot Spitzer had everything going, but he still cast his eye around. What he found was Ashley Alexander Dupre. Clearly, sufficient is never enough.

There are numerous examples in India as well. Film stars, cricket players, ordinary folk. Even Gods. Consider the case of Shiva. When Shiva falls in love with Mohini - Vishnu in the guise of a beautiful woman - he not only betrays his wife Parvathy, but also violates the traditional gender code. In the process, Shiva goes against the idea of marriage as set out in the ancient Dharma Shastras as well.

According to the Shastras, marriage is meant to fulfill three functions: Praja, Dharma, and Rati. Praja is children for perpetuation of one's family, Dharma is fulfillment of responsibilities, and Rati is friendship and sexual pleasure.

Shiva's deviation is indicative of how gods themselves can't resist temptation of the senses. Hindu mythology is loaded with such dalliances.

Behavioural scientists would argue that evolution has a lot to do with sexual attraction. Sex is how you ensure your immortality, the survival of your unique pool of genes. Celibacy, which a lot of marriages enforce, is slow suicide.

Marriage tends to stabilise you and helps you to focus on work that you do with your brains and not with your balls. As the years go by, the little sex and even less attention you get from your spouse work as rudimentary safety valves so the pressure cooker of passions don't explode. In the end, of course, you get used to a life without love or sex. Indeed, in the end you get used to anything - even your spouse.

The moral majority considers adultery a crime. The facile piety of it may contribute a sense of moral superiority to those who either believe in, or affect, that magisterial stance. But, equally, love and fornication outside the fortress of marriage evoke more confusion than contempt among the ranks.

Which is why across the world it has met with mixed response. In India, adultery is punishable with a maximum sentence of five years. In Pakistan, death sentence is more like it, though the law is loaded against women.

In the US, the law varies from state to state. An adulterer could get a life sentence if he gave full head to his penetralia in, say, Michigan. If he did the same thing in Maryland, he gets away with a 10 dollar fine. In the more liberal Europe, they have come to accept adultery as a civilisational vice: man and woman must cheat on their partners so they can afford their little satisfactions - a little bit of love and sex on the side - so they get something free, perhaps that elusive sensation of life. You take a dutiful wife, you get a wild lover free - almost. In Austria, the Netherlands, Belgium, Finland or Sweden sleeping with a man or woman outside your marriage is not recognised as a punishable offence. Wisely, maybe, since nearly 55 out of every 100 marriages end up in divorce in a country like Sweden.

In contrast, in India, only about 1 marriage out of a 100 reaches the divorce stage. Despite the low percentage, this is not a country of happy matrimony. Counseling centres and family courts are packed these days with acrimonious couples.

The most chaste amongst us are glad-eyed. Deep within, our search for the perfect partner is never over. Polygamy and polyandry offer their own loaded solutions to our primal needs. They are, in a certain sense, richer than an excruciating monogamous situation where both husband and wife look in vain to access all their joys from one source.

In polygamy, what one wife holds back, the other offers. Sex with A, Love with B, Poetry with C, EMIs with D, etc. The apportioning of the various functions to various people makes no one person hugely powerful. It is, after a fashion, a democratic deal.

But, in normal course, the option is not available to you. So what do you do? You turn The Great Indian Auto-Censor. You do away with your needs. You no longer look for sex every night at home. You don't even look for sex once in a month or, as in many cases, not even once a year. You could do without sex, what the hell. Or, go steady with your hand.

Almost as worse, you stop looking for love and friendship with which sex is deeply linked. You might have been ready for such soft stuff when you were really young. But that was in another country; besides, the wench is dead. Certainly, now, you are not prepared for it. To be vulnerable all over again! To lower your guard in the presence of your 24x7 companion, who might actually make use of it in the very first opportunity! Surely, you have by now learnt to protect yourself?

In any case, responsibilities have taken over and the relationship you aspired for has deteriorated into role-playing. You are wife, you are mother, you are Lactating Machine. Or, you are husband, you are father, you are ATM.

Marriage dehumanises you. You are no longer an individual, whose complex of desires would normally require at least four partners to share its gravitas. You cut it all down and become the stranger driving a car, going to office, coming back home to TV. You see more of Bollywood stars on the screen than your partner in real life. In fact, you know more about the stars than your wife, who is anyway for keeps. You start looking for a lover so the beautiful aspects of your personality can bloom. But, it will take time. Meanwhile, you sit back and judge Tiger Woods, who should have driven that car carefully and not got into an accident. The accident undid him, not the girls. And then it comes to you, sudden as a slap, that not even the Super Man has got enough of love and sex from his marriage. You nod your head: that figures. At last, you and Tiger Woods are on the same page. Surely, marriage is a great leveler, you cleverly observe to yourself. Ah, you close your eyes, lean back in the chair thinking about the pretty woman who stood close to you in the elevator this morning. You wonder what perfume she was wearing and whether you would run into her again.

9 point guide to get your man into bed

Tired of your man's lack lustre libido? Want him to make passionate love to you? Follow these nine stimulation techniques to pep up your man's

1. Tie Him Up : Take control and get your man all tied up. Buy silky tights to tie him up loosely to the bed post above his head. Keep his head propped up with a pillow so that he can see your wild moves. All guys love being dominated and you will get a high by watching your guy's desire for you rise.

2. Wet Pleasures : Guys just love making out in the shower. Kissing under a shower is a sure fire way of getting the sexual action kick started. Work up lather and sensuously wash each others' bodies. It will leave you feeling fresh for the real action to follow.

3. Girlie Groping : Ignite your youthful lust by making out in the last row of a cinema or indulging in some heavy petting on the couch until you are both hot and ready.

4. Dress It Up : Walk around the house clad in lacy underwear and some killer stilletoes. Your man will love nothing more than to watch you strut sexily around the house.

5. Dirty dancing : Erotic slow dancing is great tool of seduction. Enjoy a sensual dance which is the perfect appetiser for some raunchy bedroom antics.

6. Mirror Image : Learn to master body language techniques to let him know you are interested in sex. Try and mimick some of his actions to turn him on. Don't copy everything he does. Instead if he leans towards you, lean into him at the same time, making passionate eye contact all the while.

7. Maximise a Massage : Make your man lie down on the bed and apply warm oil on his aching body. Use lingering sensuous strokes along his back and down his legs making sure his body relaxes.

8. In The Outdoors : Foreplay doesn't need to be restricted to the bedroom; all men love sex in the open. Make love under the stars and land in sexual heaven.

9. Teasing Talk : Men too love a bit of naughty talk. Whisper sweet nothings into his ear describing all the things you would like to do to him, or have him do to you. Alternatively send him a sexy SMS letting him know he is in for a treat.

5 Best positions to get pregnant fast

Getting pregnant maybe the easiest of all things, however, some couples do find it hard to conceive for several reasons, including weak or insufficient sperm count.

In some cases, as when nature needs a boost, a little push from you and your partner can go a long way in getting pregnant. When it comes to the best position to get pregnant, the general rule is that the male sperm must be deposited as near to the female cervix as possible.

This has something to do with the life spans of the female egg and the male sperm. Once an egg is released from the ovary – a stage also known as ovulation – it begins its path down the fallopian tube to the uterus. A released egg typically survives for only 24 hours, while a sperm can last anywhere from three to five days in the female body. As such, the egg has to be as close to the egg as possible so they can meet and join before the egg dies.

While not a lot of people will agree that the sexual positions have anything to do with getting pregnant, the logical inference is that it makes sense to assume the position that can help the sperm meet the egg in the shortest possible time.

This is especially true when for couples who have problems or difficulty conceiving. Having said this, the first "best position to get pregnant" tip is to avoid positions that least expose the cervix to the male sperm, and that generally defy gravity such as sex while standing up, sitting down, or with the woman on top. When trying to conceive, it is best to limit the amount of sperm that flows back out of the vagina.

The woman's hips should also be positioned in such a way that the sperm released is kept inside, giving it enough time to swim up to the female cervix.

Consider the following positions instead:

1. The missionary position. Or man-on-top is said to be the position that's best for getting pregnant. This is because this particular position allows for the deepest possible penetration, making it possible for the sperm to get deposited closest to the cervix.

2. Raise the hips. Elevating the hips, which can be done by placing a pillow behind her, can also be helpful because this exposes the female cervix to as much semen as the male can release.

3. Doggy-style. The rear-entry position where the man enters the woman from behind is also a recommended position. In this position, sperm is also deposited closest to the cervix, thereby helping increase the chances of conception.

4. Side-by-side. You can also try having intercourse while lying side by side. This position likewise causes the most exposure of the cervix to the male sperm.

5. Orgasms. Finally, while this has nothing to do with sexual positions, there are also researches that suggest the importance of the female orgasm in conceiving. According to studies, female orgasm leads to contractions that could push sperm up into the cervix. The lesson: have fun while trying to conceive.

Top 11 sex myths busted

Whether we appreciate them or not, we still like to know about sex myths and facts and if they are true or false


There are as many sex myths and facts as there are couples! You may have heard someone say ‘oh they broke up as their sex life was poor’, or someone else’s package size is smaller so their married life didn’t succeed. Here are some facts which we sometimes like to ignore.
1. You can't get pregnant during your period - false!
There's a chance that you can get pregnant during a period, particularly towards the end of your menstrual cycle. Unprotected sex also increases the risk infection by sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
2. You can't get pregnant during unprotected sex if the man pulls out before he ejaculates - false!
Even though your boyfriend doesn't ejaculate, sperm can still be present in his pre-cum (the clear, sticky drops that are released when he's aroused). It only takes one sperm to get you pregnant, and the fluid can also contain sexually transmitted infections. Some men aren't aware that they are ejaculating until it's too late, and it's easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment.
3. You can't get pregnant while having sex standing up, or in the shower or bath - false!
If you have unprotected sex you can get pregnant, no matter how or where you do it.
4. You can't get pregnant while on the pill - false!
The chances of getting pregnant while taking the contraceptive pill are virtually nil, provided you are following the instructions correctly and consistently. But if you miss pills, are on antibiotics, or have sickness and diarrhoea, you need to use condoms for the next seven days.
5. It's safe to have sex as soon as you're on the pill - false!
Different types of contraceptive pills take different times to kick in. This can range from 0-14 days. Always follow the instructions prescribed with your type of pill, and use an additional form of contraception such as condoms during the time it takes for your choice of pill become effective.
6. Peeing after sex washes out sperm and prevents pregnancy - false!
For a start, urine exits the bladder through the urethra, which lies above of the vaginal opening. Which means any sperm in the vagina won't even get wet when you pee.
7. Men want sex more than women do - false.
Women want sex too - but they are guided by other emotions as well. For instance, house work, kids and holding onto a job are good enough reasons to go off sex completely. So we're exhausted! Plus, hormones make us feel like having a lot of sex during certain times of the month, rather than all of the time. And, because we tend to attach more emotions to sex than men do, we aren't going to beg him for action if he's been giving us attitude.
8. Happy couples have good sex most of the time - false.
Show me a couple that's having out-of-control, raging sex every night after years of sharing the same bed, and I'll show you a pig that can fly. Life and all its pressures get in the way for all of us. Does it mean your friend is lying if she claims to have fabulous sex after five years of marriage and two kids? Maybe. Or maybe she thinks you have a great sex life and doesn't want to admit she doesn't. Or maybe her definition of great sex is different than yours. Or maybe she really does have terrific sex... once a month. It's all subjective.
9. Men are more promiscuous than women - true.
The real truth is, this one is probably true, but by much less than you think. When polled about their sex lives, men overestimate while women underestimate, due to societal pressures. It's also totally dependent on how attractive the people in question are. An attractive, sexually liberated woman is likely to have had more partners than a not-so-fab-looking guy around the same age, for instance. It's called opportunity.
10. Women don't like porn or dirty sex - false.
Women love porn. It gives them new ideas and tricks to try out to make their partners happy. Plus, a lot of them are exchanged on emails or discussed between giggles next to water coolers in the office. Anyone who thinks men are the only ones mentally undressing that sexy passenger on the metro is deluded.
11. Men always want sex - false .
You need to give more credit to your partner than that! But if he is below 18 and has landed his first girlfriend, then perhaps it is true. However, as men get older responsibilities, daily pressures, work, bills etc. come in the way and he cannot think of sex all the time. But one look, and he is ready to jump into bed - that’s also true!