Love and sex you never got from your marriage

You thought the rich and beautiful are happily married. You thought wrong. They are as unhappy as the poor and the plain looking. Why is everybody looking for a lover?

With each passing day, there are more and more women crawling out of Tiger's woodwork. Nightclub hostesses, porn stars, TV presenters, waitresses. The latest figure on the number of women in Tiger Wood's married life besides his wife Elin is 10, a figure that is unlikely to stand the test of time.

We tend to believe Super Man is someone who flies around with chuds worn over his pants and saves the world from aliens who will curl their lip at anything less than total destruction. Actually, a Super Man is anyone who does what no man can do better. Muhammad Ali was one. Garry Kasparov is another. Bill Gates a third.

Tiger Woods can see a hole in the grass 300 yards far and he is better than anyone born yet to swing and slip a ball into it smooth as a coin in a slot. Woods is one of our Super Men. Besides, he is tall and handsome and worth over $500 million. And married to a pretty pout like Elin.

Why is he looking for sex - and, perhaps, love - outside marriage?

It is not just Woods, of course. There are any numbers of beautiful people who have seemingly got everything, but who are looking for more outside home.

Consider a few names: Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley were almost as good as married. And then Grant bought some sex from a prostitute, Divine Brown, in Sunset Boulevard. He lost Hurley.

Ethan Hawke was with Uma Thurman for a while. But he couldn't bear that happiness for too long and strayed. And Thurman walked out.

Former New York governor Eliot Spitzer had everything going, but he still cast his eye around. What he found was Ashley Alexander Dupre. Clearly, sufficient is never enough.

There are numerous examples in India as well. Film stars, cricket players, ordinary folk. Even Gods. Consider the case of Shiva. When Shiva falls in love with Mohini - Vishnu in the guise of a beautiful woman - he not only betrays his wife Parvathy, but also violates the traditional gender code. In the process, Shiva goes against the idea of marriage as set out in the ancient Dharma Shastras as well.

According to the Shastras, marriage is meant to fulfill three functions: Praja, Dharma, and Rati. Praja is children for perpetuation of one's family, Dharma is fulfillment of responsibilities, and Rati is friendship and sexual pleasure.

Shiva's deviation is indicative of how gods themselves can't resist temptation of the senses. Hindu mythology is loaded with such dalliances.

Behavioural scientists would argue that evolution has a lot to do with sexual attraction. Sex is how you ensure your immortality, the survival of your unique pool of genes. Celibacy, which a lot of marriages enforce, is slow suicide.

Marriage tends to stabilise you and helps you to focus on work that you do with your brains and not with your balls. As the years go by, the little sex and even less attention you get from your spouse work as rudimentary safety valves so the pressure cooker of passions don't explode. In the end, of course, you get used to a life without love or sex. Indeed, in the end you get used to anything - even your spouse.

The moral majority considers adultery a crime. The facile piety of it may contribute a sense of moral superiority to those who either believe in, or affect, that magisterial stance. But, equally, love and fornication outside the fortress of marriage evoke more confusion than contempt among the ranks.

Which is why across the world it has met with mixed response. In India, adultery is punishable with a maximum sentence of five years. In Pakistan, death sentence is more like it, though the law is loaded against women.

In the US, the law varies from state to state. An adulterer could get a life sentence if he gave full head to his penetralia in, say, Michigan. If he did the same thing in Maryland, he gets away with a 10 dollar fine. In the more liberal Europe, they have come to accept adultery as a civilisational vice: man and woman must cheat on their partners so they can afford their little satisfactions - a little bit of love and sex on the side - so they get something free, perhaps that elusive sensation of life. You take a dutiful wife, you get a wild lover free - almost. In Austria, the Netherlands, Belgium, Finland or Sweden sleeping with a man or woman outside your marriage is not recognised as a punishable offence. Wisely, maybe, since nearly 55 out of every 100 marriages end up in divorce in a country like Sweden.

In contrast, in India, only about 1 marriage out of a 100 reaches the divorce stage. Despite the low percentage, this is not a country of happy matrimony. Counseling centres and family courts are packed these days with acrimonious couples.

The most chaste amongst us are glad-eyed. Deep within, our search for the perfect partner is never over. Polygamy and polyandry offer their own loaded solutions to our primal needs. They are, in a certain sense, richer than an excruciating monogamous situation where both husband and wife look in vain to access all their joys from one source.

In polygamy, what one wife holds back, the other offers. Sex with A, Love with B, Poetry with C, EMIs with D, etc. The apportioning of the various functions to various people makes no one person hugely powerful. It is, after a fashion, a democratic deal.

But, in normal course, the option is not available to you. So what do you do? You turn The Great Indian Auto-Censor. You do away with your needs. You no longer look for sex every night at home. You don't even look for sex once in a month or, as in many cases, not even once a year. You could do without sex, what the hell. Or, go steady with your hand.

Almost as worse, you stop looking for love and friendship with which sex is deeply linked. You might have been ready for such soft stuff when you were really young. But that was in another country; besides, the wench is dead. Certainly, now, you are not prepared for it. To be vulnerable all over again! To lower your guard in the presence of your 24x7 companion, who might actually make use of it in the very first opportunity! Surely, you have by now learnt to protect yourself?

In any case, responsibilities have taken over and the relationship you aspired for has deteriorated into role-playing. You are wife, you are mother, you are Lactating Machine. Or, you are husband, you are father, you are ATM.

Marriage dehumanises you. You are no longer an individual, whose complex of desires would normally require at least four partners to share its gravitas. You cut it all down and become the stranger driving a car, going to office, coming back home to TV. You see more of Bollywood stars on the screen than your partner in real life. In fact, you know more about the stars than your wife, who is anyway for keeps. You start looking for a lover so the beautiful aspects of your personality can bloom. But, it will take time. Meanwhile, you sit back and judge Tiger Woods, who should have driven that car carefully and not got into an accident. The accident undid him, not the girls. And then it comes to you, sudden as a slap, that not even the Super Man has got enough of love and sex from his marriage. You nod your head: that figures. At last, you and Tiger Woods are on the same page. Surely, marriage is a great leveler, you cleverly observe to yourself. Ah, you close your eyes, lean back in the chair thinking about the pretty woman who stood close to you in the elevator this morning. You wonder what perfume she was wearing and whether you would run into her again.

9 point guide to get your man into bed

Tired of your man's lack lustre libido? Want him to make passionate love to you? Follow these nine stimulation techniques to pep up your man's

1. Tie Him Up : Take control and get your man all tied up. Buy silky tights to tie him up loosely to the bed post above his head. Keep his head propped up with a pillow so that he can see your wild moves. All guys love being dominated and you will get a high by watching your guy's desire for you rise.

2. Wet Pleasures : Guys just love making out in the shower. Kissing under a shower is a sure fire way of getting the sexual action kick started. Work up lather and sensuously wash each others' bodies. It will leave you feeling fresh for the real action to follow.

3. Girlie Groping : Ignite your youthful lust by making out in the last row of a cinema or indulging in some heavy petting on the couch until you are both hot and ready.

4. Dress It Up : Walk around the house clad in lacy underwear and some killer stilletoes. Your man will love nothing more than to watch you strut sexily around the house.

5. Dirty dancing : Erotic slow dancing is great tool of seduction. Enjoy a sensual dance which is the perfect appetiser for some raunchy bedroom antics.

6. Mirror Image : Learn to master body language techniques to let him know you are interested in sex. Try and mimick some of his actions to turn him on. Don't copy everything he does. Instead if he leans towards you, lean into him at the same time, making passionate eye contact all the while.

7. Maximise a Massage : Make your man lie down on the bed and apply warm oil on his aching body. Use lingering sensuous strokes along his back and down his legs making sure his body relaxes.

8. In The Outdoors : Foreplay doesn't need to be restricted to the bedroom; all men love sex in the open. Make love under the stars and land in sexual heaven.

9. Teasing Talk : Men too love a bit of naughty talk. Whisper sweet nothings into his ear describing all the things you would like to do to him, or have him do to you. Alternatively send him a sexy SMS letting him know he is in for a treat.

5 Best positions to get pregnant fast

Getting pregnant maybe the easiest of all things, however, some couples do find it hard to conceive for several reasons, including weak or insufficient sperm count.

In some cases, as when nature needs a boost, a little push from you and your partner can go a long way in getting pregnant. When it comes to the best position to get pregnant, the general rule is that the male sperm must be deposited as near to the female cervix as possible.

This has something to do with the life spans of the female egg and the male sperm. Once an egg is released from the ovary – a stage also known as ovulation – it begins its path down the fallopian tube to the uterus. A released egg typically survives for only 24 hours, while a sperm can last anywhere from three to five days in the female body. As such, the egg has to be as close to the egg as possible so they can meet and join before the egg dies.

While not a lot of people will agree that the sexual positions have anything to do with getting pregnant, the logical inference is that it makes sense to assume the position that can help the sperm meet the egg in the shortest possible time.

This is especially true when for couples who have problems or difficulty conceiving. Having said this, the first "best position to get pregnant" tip is to avoid positions that least expose the cervix to the male sperm, and that generally defy gravity such as sex while standing up, sitting down, or with the woman on top. When trying to conceive, it is best to limit the amount of sperm that flows back out of the vagina.

The woman's hips should also be positioned in such a way that the sperm released is kept inside, giving it enough time to swim up to the female cervix.

Consider the following positions instead:

1. The missionary position. Or man-on-top is said to be the position that's best for getting pregnant. This is because this particular position allows for the deepest possible penetration, making it possible for the sperm to get deposited closest to the cervix.

2. Raise the hips. Elevating the hips, which can be done by placing a pillow behind her, can also be helpful because this exposes the female cervix to as much semen as the male can release.

3. Doggy-style. The rear-entry position where the man enters the woman from behind is also a recommended position. In this position, sperm is also deposited closest to the cervix, thereby helping increase the chances of conception.

4. Side-by-side. You can also try having intercourse while lying side by side. This position likewise causes the most exposure of the cervix to the male sperm.

5. Orgasms. Finally, while this has nothing to do with sexual positions, there are also researches that suggest the importance of the female orgasm in conceiving. According to studies, female orgasm leads to contractions that could push sperm up into the cervix. The lesson: have fun while trying to conceive.

Top 11 sex myths busted

Whether we appreciate them or not, we still like to know about sex myths and facts and if they are true or false


There are as many sex myths and facts as there are couples! You may have heard someone say ‘oh they broke up as their sex life was poor’, or someone else’s package size is smaller so their married life didn’t succeed. Here are some facts which we sometimes like to ignore.
1. You can't get pregnant during your period - false!
There's a chance that you can get pregnant during a period, particularly towards the end of your menstrual cycle. Unprotected sex also increases the risk infection by sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
2. You can't get pregnant during unprotected sex if the man pulls out before he ejaculates - false!
Even though your boyfriend doesn't ejaculate, sperm can still be present in his pre-cum (the clear, sticky drops that are released when he's aroused). It only takes one sperm to get you pregnant, and the fluid can also contain sexually transmitted infections. Some men aren't aware that they are ejaculating until it's too late, and it's easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment.
3. You can't get pregnant while having sex standing up, or in the shower or bath - false!
If you have unprotected sex you can get pregnant, no matter how or where you do it.
4. You can't get pregnant while on the pill - false!
The chances of getting pregnant while taking the contraceptive pill are virtually nil, provided you are following the instructions correctly and consistently. But if you miss pills, are on antibiotics, or have sickness and diarrhoea, you need to use condoms for the next seven days.
5. It's safe to have sex as soon as you're on the pill - false!
Different types of contraceptive pills take different times to kick in. This can range from 0-14 days. Always follow the instructions prescribed with your type of pill, and use an additional form of contraception such as condoms during the time it takes for your choice of pill become effective.
6. Peeing after sex washes out sperm and prevents pregnancy - false!
For a start, urine exits the bladder through the urethra, which lies above of the vaginal opening. Which means any sperm in the vagina won't even get wet when you pee.
7. Men want sex more than women do - false.
Women want sex too - but they are guided by other emotions as well. For instance, house work, kids and holding onto a job are good enough reasons to go off sex completely. So we're exhausted! Plus, hormones make us feel like having a lot of sex during certain times of the month, rather than all of the time. And, because we tend to attach more emotions to sex than men do, we aren't going to beg him for action if he's been giving us attitude.
8. Happy couples have good sex most of the time - false.
Show me a couple that's having out-of-control, raging sex every night after years of sharing the same bed, and I'll show you a pig that can fly. Life and all its pressures get in the way for all of us. Does it mean your friend is lying if she claims to have fabulous sex after five years of marriage and two kids? Maybe. Or maybe she thinks you have a great sex life and doesn't want to admit she doesn't. Or maybe her definition of great sex is different than yours. Or maybe she really does have terrific sex... once a month. It's all subjective.
9. Men are more promiscuous than women - true.
The real truth is, this one is probably true, but by much less than you think. When polled about their sex lives, men overestimate while women underestimate, due to societal pressures. It's also totally dependent on how attractive the people in question are. An attractive, sexually liberated woman is likely to have had more partners than a not-so-fab-looking guy around the same age, for instance. It's called opportunity.
10. Women don't like porn or dirty sex - false.
Women love porn. It gives them new ideas and tricks to try out to make their partners happy. Plus, a lot of them are exchanged on emails or discussed between giggles next to water coolers in the office. Anyone who thinks men are the only ones mentally undressing that sexy passenger on the metro is deluded.
11. Men always want sex - false .
You need to give more credit to your partner than that! But if he is below 18 and has landed his first girlfriend, then perhaps it is true. However, as men get older responsibilities, daily pressures, work, bills etc. come in the way and he cannot think of sex all the time. But one look, and he is ready to jump into bed - that’s also true!

An orgasm a day keeps illnesses away

Women who regularly have orgasms are more energetic and suffer fewer illnesses than females who are left wanting more after sex sessions, says a new research.

According to a team from the Women''s Health programme in Australia, females who rate their sex lives highly have more vitality and a better psychological outlook than those who have sex less than twice a month.

Researchers analysed sex lives of almost 300 females aged from 20 to 65 to reach the conclusion.

Lead researcher Dr Sonia Davison, of the Women''s Health Program at Monash University, Australia, said: "We found that women who were sexually dissatisfied had lower well-being and vitality.

"This finding highlights the importance of addressing these areas as an essential part of healthcare, because women may be uncomfortable discussing these issues with their doctor."

As over 90 percent of women in the study reported their sexual activity involved a partner, and was initiated by the partner at least 50 percent of the time, the sexual activity of the women may have been affected by partner presence (or absence), partner health, and sexual function, which were not addressed in the study.

"The fact that women who self-identified as being dissatisfied maintained the level of sexual activity reported most likely represents established behaviour and partner expectation," said Professor Susan Davis, senior author of this study, also based at the Women''s Health Program at Monash University, Australia.

"It also reinforces the fact that frequency of sexual activity in women cannot be employed as a reliable indicator of sexual well-being," the expert added.

Sexual medicine expert Dr Irwin Goldstein said: "This emphasises the role and importance of sexual health in women''s overall health and well-being."

The study has been published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Top after-sex mistakes revealed

Picture this: You are enjoying a steamy sex session with your partner. As your passion reaches its climax, an ultimate sexual joy is felt like

After-sex mistakes

never before. The moment both of you get over with this night of passion, your partner head towards your study and starts reading or turns over and falls into a dead slumber. What a turn-off indeed!
It’s just one of those mistakes that couples often commit soon after enjoying an intimate session with their partner. They might have made all the necessary efforts to satisfy their partner in bed, but just one little mistake can spoil all the fun!
The nature of these after-sex mistakes hints that you were just waiting for sex to get over so you could indulge in some other non-sexual activity. Or in some cases, it shows that you had something else running through your mind while having sex.
Though these are absolutely unintentional acts that partners get caught up in, these are often the terrible goof-ups that kill the sexual mood. Also, couples fail to understand that switching off from the sexual state of mind can leave the other partner highly irked.
Dr. Pushkar Gupta, a Chandigarh-based sex therapist opines, “It is very likely that partners who right away indulge in something else after having sex, might have performed sex as a duty and not an act of enjoyment. While there are several ways to keep up the mood even after the actual sex is over, some partners look for ways to remain busy and thus they end up committing lesser known 'after-sex' mistakes.”
Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert states, “After enjoying the sexual act, if a partner tries to get involved in something not related to sex, it surely makes the other partner feel disowned. While there should be an effort to linger on with the sexual feel even after the actual act is over, couples who deviate from this mood are certainly affecting their sexual relationship.”
We list some recurring 'after-sex' mistakes that couples indulge in. So the next time you get intimate, make sure you do not switch into something else just after finishing the act. Let the mood linger on for enhanced pleasure ...
Falling asleep at once : Most couples come across this problem where either one of the partners or both would fall asleep soon after having sex. It certainly is a big goof-up that can kill the charm of sex. Sleeping at once would not allow you to cherish your performance and neither let you enjoy the mood with which you enjoyed that night of passion.
Making way for washroom : Enjoying a hot shower together can be a great foreplay act, but rushing to the washroom right after a hot romp is definitely not! While couples won’t mind getting messy in their sexual acts, but as soon as it’s over, they make way to the washroom to clean-up. It might sound okay, but they forget that the other partner might still be enjoying that mood and want to have more of it. Heading straight to the washroom makes the other partner feel that there’s been something unpleasing about the act, which can mar your sexual bliss.
Calling a friend : This is another common mistake that couples face after a steamy session. While it’s obvious that none would call a friend at odd hours to discuss official matters, so why can’t a petty talk wait till the morning? When it’s time to enjoy sex, it’s indeed a gaffe to keep your eyes and ears stuck onto your mobile phone waiting for a message or keeping an eye on your missed calls. It makes the other partner feel as if you’re just not interested and thus ruins all the fun.
Heading towards study or work : What couples think of during sex remains an unanswered question. Those who head towards study-room right after a romp may just give the answer. Thinking books and reading is indeed a sex blunder! Like sexual moments, it’s equally important to enjoy the after-sex pleasure. If you rather descend towards your study, leaving behind your partner, it won’t bring any good to your sexual relationship. If you prefer reading a book instead of cuddling and snuggling, you are indeed inviting trouble into your sex paradise.
Sleeping separately : You might have a habit of sleeping separately in guest bedroom or on the terrace, but on a particular night when you’ve een intimate with your partner, exceptions are allowed. After a lovemaking session, it's not a good idea to abandon your partner and pack your sheets and pillow to move to another room for a sound sleep. It will not only kill the passion on that night, but would also tarnish your sexual relations for several nights to follow.
Bringing kids to sleep along : Letting anyone invade your sexual privacy is bound to mar your sexual pleasure and kids are no exception. Many mothers have a tendency to bring kids to sleep alongside on the same bed and if that happens after having sex, it can’t get worse. Well, such a gesture has all the reasons to annoy the other partner, who might have planned something more sensual to be enjoyed after a steamy romp.
Eating another meal : Eating an aphrodisiacal meal together with your beloved can be a great start before a lovemaking act. But moving to the kitchen right after having sex looking for something to eat is equally disgusting. It ruins the entire passion and would make your partner feel that you didn’t enjoy sex just because you were hungry and had food on your mind.

Do the talk after sex!

But what couples often fail to realise is the importance of after sex conversations that can bind them together even after the act is over. It’s important for couples to relax after an exhaustive performance and nothing can be better than to converse with each other.
Dr. Amit Aggarwal, a Mumbai-based sexologist elucidates, “After sex, couples can lay down in front of each other and indulge in some canoodling. As for conversational topics, they can discuss how good they felt during sex, their most intimate feelings, their sexual desires and their displeasure towards certain gestures by their partners. Basically, the focus of the discussion should be on the things they love most about each other.”
Conversing about one's bedroom performance, sexual desires, sharing feedback or expressing love, here’s a lowdown on the topics that make great after sex discussions.
Discussing bedroom performance : It’s indeed a wise move to tell your partner about what you liked and disliked about a particular sexual session. Exchanging feedback about your sexual performance will not only make you feel at ease, but will also help you work on the weaker areas where you may be lacking.
Expert tip : Dr. Devesh Roy, a sex expert suggests, “It’s a healthy practice to discuss your performance once you’re done with the act, but do not over analyse the sexual act too much. Also, if you felt your partner lacked somewhere, device a way out to tell them patiently, but never compare their performance with anyone else's or else it will do more harm than good to your relationship.”
Planning another sex quickie : As the sexual mood continues to be in full swing, nothing can be better than planning out another intimate session. Talking about yet another round of a sex will not only ignite your passion, but will also bring you closer.
Expert tip : Dr. Aggarwal advices, “It’s a great idea to plan another round of sex and if you talk about it openly, it can guarantee you ultimate gratification. During such conversations, make it a point to highlight the things that you liked the most in the previous session. And also mention about the acts you didn’t enjoy, so that your partner knows what to avoid in the next round. Take advantage of this planning by looking out for innovative ways of intimacy that you can experiment with in round two.”
Expressing sexual fantasies : After a steamy romp, almost all your sexual desires would have been fulfilled by your partner. So go ahead and utilise those intimate moments to express more about your sex fantasies. It’s very likely that your partner, who is still sailing in that sexual mood, would listen to your fancies attentively.
Expert tip : Dr. Chitra Bakshi, a relationship counsellor says, “It’s really not an easy task to talk overtly about your sexual fantasies, not even with your partner. So couples often look out for chances, be it during the foreplay period or during sex. But the most appropriate time would be after sex, as your partner is likely to be in a sexually charged up state of mind to listen to you patiently. You can express those fancies that you would like them to try out, the next time you get intimate.”
Appreciating each other’s body : Remember that your partner loves being appreciated, not only for their sexual moves, but for their physical appearance and body as well. The most cherished after-sex moments are an apt opportunity to compliment your mate’s body. Telling your mate about the heavenly feeling you get while touching their body and also passing naughty remarks on their curves will surely pamper them.
Expert tip : Dr. Roy opines, “Since sex is all about physical touch, try and utilise these after-sex minutes to say good things about each other’s body. This would create a better comfort zone, bring about a feeling of reassurance to your mate that you like their body and it will make the art of undressing an easier task, as your partner will be more confident about their physical self.”
Exchanging expressions of love : You’d have said ‘I love you’ to your lover many a times but saying these words right after a sex quickie holds a special place. Verbal or physical gestures like hugging and cuddling, any expression of love can act as a catalyst if expressed at the right time. Once you’re done with a sexual session, whispering some sweet nothings into your partner’s ears can make them feel extra special.
Expert tip : Dr. Chitra confirms, “Exchanging expressions of love is a sure shot way to enjoy passionate moments with your partner. After enjoying sex, most partners fall asleep without even realising once that their mate might be longing for some loving gestures. So make the most of these special moments and indulge in a quick conversation and tell each other how much you love and care about them.”

Dial LOL for sex!

Dial LOL for sex!

In these lust-filled times, have we forgotton the importance of laughter in the bedroom for deeper


Has kinkiness driven couples apart and distant after a few sexual sessions? And has that made sex just an over-rated activity, which gets dull, routine and boring? The author of Four Blondes feels sex is "the most overrated activity in the universe".
So, for The Romantics. The real fun is in humour. Ask Tanya Sabharwal, 24, IT engineer, “We just look for approved ways to fall in love. But the real chemistry comes from intimacy that is triggered by laughter. And doing fun things together. This can change the course of your relationship. And even after a fight you know how to make it work.”
Being naughty is right
Don't sulk at people who are naughty. They don't take themselves seriously, are adventurous and playful. Right now, the generation next of Indian teens are personalities driven by naughtiness. Says actor Koena Mitra, “It’s about time, we get fun into our relationships and bedrooms. Being funny can be very attractive to your partner. But it's not about being kinky.''
Feeling lightness and love in relationships
Laughter can help overcome all the negativity, and bring about sexual healing. Sure, you could wallow in endless self-pity and unhappiness, but the negativity won’t help you. Says psychologist Anupriya Chadha, “The ingredients of great sex is appreciation, laughter and gratitude. You have to feel the positive energy during lovemaking.” In fact, a harsh lesson in love and life is when past angst doesn’t allow relationships or sexual healing to happen.
Says sexologist Dr Raj Brahmbhatt, “Sex is like breathing, it’s the most natural instinct. Sex should be colourful in spring. No, two acts of sex should be of same colour. We need to be natural in our desire. How couples communicate desire to each other is important. Are they looking at each other with happy thoughts that invoke laughter and there should be moments of naughtiness which are light and fun-filled. These energies will heal and enhance intimacy. Sadly, the energy couples bring to a sexual act is anxiety, sadness and that's the energy that makes them incomplete and sad.”

'Outercourse' to spice up your sex life

People who do not want to go all the way to sexual intercourse can still be more sexual, more intimate, and even more orgasmic with their lover,

Forget intercourse. Try outercourse

Outercourse embodies a number of sexual activities (Getty Images)

thanks to what sex experts call an "outercourse".
Whether you’re seeking to abstain, practice safer sex or spice things up, the red hot sexual exchanges involved are well worth exploring.
Outercourse is the umbrella term for any kind of sex play that doesn’t involve oral or traditional sex, but still manage to offer sexual gratification for lovers involved in the act.
It’s ideal in minimizing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and the risk of pregnancy, reports Fox News.
However, the method is not completely foolproof, as it depends on how much clothing people keep on.
Outercourse allows lovemaking to last longer, and couples are given the opportunity to soak in more of what the sexual experience is about.
Partners may feel closer and more connected with each other and themselves, while for new lovers, it allows them to build trust while feeling sexually connected.
For older, experienced lovers, outercourse can hurl them back in time, helping them to reclaim the thrill of the forbidden nature of sex.
Outercourse embodies a number of sexual activities, including:
Erotic Talk - Whether in the boudoir, over the phone, via text or online, lovers can catapult each other to a carnal cosmos with some lascivious lingo.
Sensual Storytelling - Between reading sexy stories and looking at erotica, lovers can entertain themselves for hours while playing with their own hot spots.
Role-Playing - By sharing fantasies, lovers can pick and choose their preferred real-life passion pursuits.
Erotic Massage - Lovers work every part of the body with scintillating sexual touch.
Kissing - Suck face and grope each other like teenagers, eventually showering your lover’s entire body with kisses.
Cybersex - Via instant messaging, E-mail, Internet chatrooms, or cyberspace forums, lovers can have tech sex of all types. Maximum satisfaction is realized in how much you choose to touch yourself versus your keyboard.
Strip Teases - Give your lover his or her own private viewing, being sure to conclude your routine with some lush lip action and titillating touches.
Sexual Enhancement Products - Sex toys were practically made for outercourse. Offering variety, experimentation, and hours of entertainment, lovers can explore each other’s bodies as they tap all of their senses.
Mutual Masturbation - Pleasure yourself for your partner’s pleasure or erotically massage each other’s bodies at the same time or take turns stimulating the other.
Dry sex - Lovers can rub up against each other to no end, stimulating each other into oblivion.
Water works - Taking to a bath or shower allows for the perfect post-rub down.
The details on outercourse are available in Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright’s book ‘Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots’.

Get your babe to say yes to morning sex

Have you ever wondered why your guy loves a morning romp? The reason can be attributed to nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) that causes a man without erectile dysfunction to experience three to five erections during his sleep. Waking up with an erection makes most men frisky between the sheets in the morning. But women are usually not in the mood to initiate sex the minute she wakes up. Perhaps it's time to add some spunk to your morning sex routine.
Prepare the previous night
In order to avoid getting out of bed and feeling unprepared for sex, do your homework the night before. Invest in some breath mints near the bed so that you can quickly pop them in before things start to get steamy. Also, finish attending nature's call before you go to sleep to avoid an early morning leak immediately after you wake up. Also, keep a packet of condoms or a strip of contraceptive pills within arm’s reach.
Set your internal alarm
Incase you are gearing up for a morning of hot sex, try and wake up an early so that you don't get delayed for work. Set your internal alarm clock so that you have enough time to enjoy the morning make-out session before you kick start your day. It’s ideal if you can get up before your gal so you can wake her up with warm kisses and sensuous caressing. An important thing to keep in mind is that while you may be all ready to dive into bed, your lady may take a while to get warmed up, so be prepared for a long foreplay.
Be sensuous
Most women like a gentle approach in the morning, so control your hormones. Touch her softly and slowly. Kiss her all over her face and body. Play with her hair. Adopting a sensual approach will make sure that she's feeling loved and nurtured when she opens her eyes. This way she will be all the more ready to please you during sex.
Make her feel desirable
Most women aren't at their sexiest best when they first wakes up, so to get her into the right frame of mind by telling her how beautiful she is -- even if she’s a bit of a mess. Reassure her that you want her in your arms despite her disheveled hair, ugly pillow creases on her face and her unpleasant morning breath. Make her feel beautiful by showering praises about her natural beauty as this is likely to turn her on. Try the spooning position that is romantically sensual.

9 signs to know if she is 'Miss Wrong'

You have been going around with this girl for quite some time now, but still her demeanour or misdemenaour often leaves you with the question –

9 signs to know if she is 'Miss Wrong'

Is she the one? Don’t fret! We bring you some signs to help you make up your mind...
No. 9 – She is intelligence challenged
And ‘dumbness’ just doesn’t encircle her – it’s around everyone she hangs out with. Her friends, family and colleagues all seem to have limited vocabulary, which only include four letter words and expletives. She has nothing interesting to talk about, appears to be on another plane – and if you are still dating her – you my friend are the problem, not she.
No.8 – She makes love as if on auto-pilot
Why is it that you feel all romantic and mushy after your sex romp with your current girlfriend, but she is left untouched by the experience? The sex was mind-blowing, but you did feel that she was too mechanical, and her responses were lukewarm. It’s great to experiment during sex, but you can’t stop the question hammering in your mind ‘where did she learn all those moves?’ Films? Internet?...Naaa!
No. 7 – She is too colourful
When you are together at a pub or disco, you observe she is hiding her face and mouthing abuses. ‘A friend’ is what you are told. Well, the truth is she has just seen her ex-lover who is leering at her in a strange manner. Didn’t you experience the same situation last week as well? It gets you thinking about the number of ‘friends’ she has had and why she is unable to look at them in the eye.
No. 6 – She is disliked by your pals
Your pals have your interest at heart. They have warned you about this girl and have proof that she is bad news. You’ve grown up with these guys, trust and love is strong bond to question. Your pals are your safety net.
No.5 – She needs encouragement 24x7
If each time you meet, you are only motivating her to do this with her life, or that in college or office, chances are you have taken up the role of a mentor and not boyfriend. In a relationship, both of you need to be on an equal footing, if one is way ahead and the other is lagging behind, there is very little ‘conversation’ taking place and more like a ‘lecture’. You cannot keep pushing her all your life – it can get exhausting for you.
No. 4 – She is always ‘broke’ or missing
You end up picking up the cheque – be it at a restaurant, disco or film. Togetherness is about equality and she should volunteer to pay the tab sometime at least.
No. 3 – She has BO
If she smells more like a pig sty and less like a garden of roses, she is not your Eve for sure. If she oblivious to her own unhealthy body odour, what else could she be mindful of? If you think you could talk to her about it, do so, but be prepared for a recurrence.
No.2 – She has been to jail
Whether for speeding or shop-lifting, your girlfriend has a wild streak in her which gets her into trouble with the law. This behaviour was fine when she was a teenager, but not anymore. You could be endangering your future.
No.1 – She is only beautiful
Your girlfriend looks like a million bucks, but what else do you love about her? If you hear yourself go ‘Ummm....’ – you better watch out. There has to be more to a relationship than physical attraction and if you are still wondering – you have your answer anyway.

Let's do it: Sexy Sex Codes

If your house is perpetually tearing at the seams with people, and guests who stay the night, chances are your sex life is really going


downhill. Here are some sex codes to use when you find it hard to find we-time with your love.
If your house is perpetually bursting at the seams with people, and guests who stay the night, chances are your sex life is really going downhill. You need to quickly fix the problem. Grab your partner’s attention by hook or by crook and then sail off to the never-never-land of pleasure and desire. I’ve put together some sex codes for you to use when you find it hard to find we-time with your love.
We live in such fantastic times, that if we hint at things, we will have goose bumps; but if we lay them out straight, it will lose some of its charm and shine. Right or wrong? Sex codes take us back to a time when we had to be very careful about what to say and what to do in front of elders and children. More like our grandparents time, methinks. And now to go back to being in that era is indeed charmingly intimate, which makes one feel warm and giggly like a teenager and hot and lusty like a partner, all at the same time! And guess what, when you use one of these sex codes, no one on earth will be able to figure them out provided you don’t spoil the fun by saying something silly or not reacting at all. In fact try doing that as that too will up your erotic quotient in a minute.
Did you know couples who use secret, just-between-us codes have greater relationship satisfaction than couples who don’t? So the next time you want the earth to spin for you, try using one of these lines:

1. Tuck me in bed especially in front of the kids

2. You have homework, honey

3. The monkey is hungry

4. Is that a pistol

5. Let’s play tonight

6. Write 'Date tonight?' with a lipstick on the bathroom mirror.

7. Is there some cheese for a snack later?

8. Chocolate

9. Have your husband/ wife sit by you, massage your neck, and whisper, 'I have a surprise for you in the bedroom.'

10. Where have your kept the ice cream?

7 point guide to sexual bliss

1. Change your sexual routine
Analyse your sexual regimen. Is it highly predictable? Is it more of a race to reach an orgasm? If so then perhaps you are in the midst of a sexual rut. So, get up and try breaking the sexual norm by doing the opposite of what you normally do. If you're having sex in darkness, try it in the morning or in the afternoon. If you're always getting down and dirty in the bedroom, enjoy a quickie on the kitchen counter or under the shower. If your man is always on top, surprise him by taking charge. Change your sexual POA to inject freshness into your sex life.
2. Show him the booty
It's not always a great idea to sashay around the house in sexy lingerie and killer heels if you want an instant arousal in your man. Why don't you surprise him by doing the dusting totally naked wearing a sexy G-string or indulge in some sexy shopping together. Men are turned on by what they see - so show him.
3. Make enough time
While sex is supposed to be spontaneous, unbridled passion, the pressure of jobs, children, and managing domestic chores leaves us with no time for sex. Try to give him hints that you are looking forward to a romp. Send suggestive and naughty texts and emails throughout the day. Spontaneity is a great mood builder and the anticipation and build up of something planned can be lots of fun.
4. Look back...
Remember the early days when you were in the first throes of lust when it was hard to keep your hands of each other? Most couples remember their initial years with affectionate nostalgia, so try and recreate those memories. Plan a nice dinner, reminisce about the first time you saw each other, what attracted you initially, and your first date. Recall the sexual connection, the pet names, personal jokes. Put on some sensuous music and dance around your living room to the song you first danced to. Recreate the thrill of having sex by doing it somewhere you might get caught! You share a rich history, so indulge in it a little - those that do are the couples that stay connected.
5. It's good to talk
Never sleep with anger within you. The unwritten rule of a great relationship is to really talk. Be open and honest. Talk about things you don't like in each other, irritating habbits. But remember to discuss the positive traits too - communicate what's important in your relationship; simply talking about why you love each other can help keep the passion alive.
6. Retain the mystery
A little bit of mystery adds spark to your love life. Sometimes when you are living with each other for years, you get too comfortable with each other and tend to be yourself with your partner. So keep the mystery alive and add some spice to your relationship.
7. Indulge your senses
Turn your bedroom into an erotic boudoir by adding loads of silk, satin sheets and colours that make you feel sexy. Cook aphrodisiacal meals together with naughty ingredients that really s-excite the taste buds, or share a candlelit bath with fragrant bubbles and scented oils. Make the time to indulge your senses and you'll soon your libido replenished.

Sex lessons from your partner

When there’s no dearth of sex-education today, most lovers are usually quite well-read before hitting the

Sex lessons to learn from your partner

From guides, books and Internet journals to seeking help from gynecologists, sex-experts and of course their own friends who have been there and done that...they leave no stone unturned to keep their sexual-knowledge up-to-date.
Despite all their efforts and door-knockings to seek the best of sex-lessons, there’s still one source that partners often tend to ignore, leading to major goof-ups on D-Day. But who’s he? Well, it’s none other than your own partner.
“Agree or not, but there are a number of things a man can teach a woman and vice versa, when it comes to making love, “ says relationship expert, Radhika Saini.
So, here’s a low-down on lessons that you can learn from your partner...
From your man
To initiate: This is the best lesson a woman can make to learn ‘how to love’ from her man. While most women hold themselves back while making love, men get into a pro-active mode to set the ball rolling. So, learning to take charge to tread the way to sexual gratification is the most important lesson that a woman can learn from her man. Don’t forget that men love witnessing their meek kittens transforming into a sex-Goddesses all set to control them.
To experiment : This is another territory where men usually score brownie points, while women lose out. From trying newer techniques to getting their hands on new positions and places, men are more open to embrace change, while women usually stick to a boring routine, which only adds to the monotony to their sex life. So, if women can learn to shun their inhibitions the way their man does and open-up to take a newer plunge whenever boredom strikes their sex-life, sexual-gratification of both the partners will never remain unachievable.
To enjoy first and then evaluate : Women have a tendency to become critical of everything that a man does to her. Be it a new move in bed or a position of love-making, she usually dons the thinking cap and starts dissecting the act mid-way on grounds of health benefits, apprehensions, accessibility, her ease and comfort level. This kind of criticism chains the man’s prowess and progress in love-making and ultimately mars overall sexual pleasure. On the other hand, men believe in going with the flow and leaving the entire thinking and evaluating part for the end.
To share : From discussing their performance to sharing fantasies, men don’t have any qualms about opening up before the woman they love. They love to hear how they scored in the act and at the same time are totally at ease while sharing their wildest of fantasies with their woman with a hope that they will be fulfilled. However, women have a long way to go till they can be totally transparent in bed. Sometimes it is the fear of rejection, while at others, it is their bad habit of talking mid way during sex that often keeps a woman under wraps in front of her man. But gals, there’s always a scope of improvement. Sharing what you liked, disliked, want more of and never again with your man, will only make it easier for you to him to pleasure him and ultimately guarantee you sexual bliss.

Foreplay is foremost : The journey to bliss is as gratifying as the final destination and ignoring the

Sex lessons to learn from your partner

voyage will only take away the bonus points that you can score on your way. So, rather than heading straight for sex, it's high time men realized the importance of foreplay from their lady luck. Men give a mechanical touch to the otherwise sensitive and sensual act by chasing the climax and thus ignoring the pleasure pacts that the two can sign mid-way. So, learning the art of seduction and foreplay is the primary and the most important lesson that a man can learn from his gal.
Pleasure comes with patience : Making love is definitely about giving and receiving pleasure. Men are undoubtedly aware about this lesson, but only partially. Most of the times, they are more concerned about their own pleasure and completely sideline what their woman wants. Be it compromising on the arousal time, cutting down on foreplay or for that matter leaving her mid-way once he has are more into wham-bam-slam-thank you mam-kinda sex. On the other hand, the female counterpart accompanies you right from the beginning till the time you hit your peak irrespective of the stage she is in, expecting you to give her the same degree of patience and pleasure. So, men learn that love is not only about ‘taking’ it’s also about ‘giving’...and that pleasure gets doubled when both partners enjoy it!
Don’t force sex, rather give space : Be it letting the female partner pick and choose the sexual fantasies that they want to duplicate in the bedroom or waiting for her to start liking for your way of sex, which might be wild, wacky, dirty and must learn to respect the choice, preference and comfort zones of their ladies. Men often end up treating their women like sex-objects, while they are busy gratifying their own bizarre sexual wants from her. So they should learn to give their partner the required time to develop a liking for what they enjoy, rather help her in the process to bring in mutual pleasure. Do remember that harrowing the partner’s space will only add to your sexual woes.
We love you for what you are : Women are usually blamed for being a tad too conscious about their body image, especially when they are in bed. But, have you ever wondered who makes them so mindful of their appearance? Well, who else than the man himself. Why can’t they let her enjoy the act, rather than forcing her to think about how’s she looking between the sheets. This usually happens when men begin to compare their lady loves with sexy actresses they see in porn flicks. Love her for ‘who she is’ and not for ‘how she looks’, just like she does.

Tips to feel sexy and lift your mood

Your boss makes your life hell at work. Your boyfriend needs his space. And your friends simply don’t care. You are feeling anything, but sexy.

Try these simple-yet-saucy ways to lift your mood...
Indulge at a spa :
Book yourself a day at the spa. Get it all done — manicure, pedicure, facial, highlights, massage, body scrub — the works. Come out looking great and feeling even better!
Go colour!
Warm reds, honey browns, or perky purple if you’re bold enough — are the colours for your hair this summer. Transform yourself with either bold streaks or thin highlights. Play hide and seek with your tresses!
Say the right words, push the right buttons — a glance here and a look there and maybe even a playful gesture will do the trick! You are sure to catch the eye of that cute guy.
Learn a new move or two:
Salsa, jive, meringue — take your pick and move! Learning a new way to dance will give you a high that will leave you asking for more. Come on... move your body now!
Kick off those flats and slip into a strappy number. A stiletto anywhere between 4 and 6 inches will make you feel like a diva.
Got the heels? Now sashay and sway your hips... Catwalk, your way into your fave hangout and make heads turn.
Sexy lingerie:
Get some lace and satin, and throw in some push-up comfort. You are good to go! Feel good from within and you’ll automatically carry yourself better.
Hit the gym, do power yoga or jog in the park. Work up a good sweat and feel refreshed and damn good about yourself too! What are you waiting for? Move already!
Smell nice:
Buy a new perfume or dab some of your old favourite on. Smelling like a million bucks always ups your confidence quotient. It also turns on the dudes...
Paint your lips red:
Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Catherine Zeta Jones, need we say more? Add oomph to your pout with a dash of red and watch heads turn. Go ahead, do a li’l of this, a li’l of that, be a true diva and feel like one!

20 'never-tried-before' tips for sizzling sex!

Sex tipsSo, you thought you knew every trick in the book to get your partner going. Practice these tips to add to your prowess

1. Keep your panties on
Wearing underwear can really hot up the session. It can be pleasurable torture to play with each other, teasing and stroking through the fabric. It acts like foreplay where you are building up the anticipation, so that when you finally do have skin-on-skin contact, it'll be that much more explosive and exciting.
2. Warm breath on your nape
Nothing arouses you more than the warm breath of your partner on your nape - it’s the only sound in the room and is very erotic. In no time will you be a ready and willing partner.
3. Do it movie-style
Every Hollywood movie has one scene where the couple is doing it standing up - against a wall, stairs, behind a door, etc. So what is stopping you from doing it too? Not only will such a quickie have your adrenaline rush up, it will make you agile on your feet! Pick a moment, but don't tell him about it and pounce. A hot, wet kiss and the urgency will have him reacting in a way he’s never done before.
4. Fast and furious
Jump into the shower with him for a quick, hot make-out session. Change out of your cotton panties into a lacy thong. You could also cuddle up behind him while he is preparing breakfast. Whisper in his ear a play-by-play of exactly what it is you plan to do to him tonight. Tell him about your hot dream.
5. Prop shop
Anything can set the mood, so why not go right ahead and try one of these out - board games, delicious food in the bedroom and toys for the tub!
6. Shy gal
Some women may be shy during sex and when you ask them what is it that they would like, they may get nervous and feel it is too demanding to state. What you can do is to try broaching the subject with your partner in a different setting, where you can express your desires in a more relaxed way. How about cuddling up to him while watching a sexy scene on TV and whispering if you could try that out! Your partner will love you for it, so don’t worry please.
7. Be a wild child
There’s something deliciously dangerous about doing it in a non-private area, which could be on the beach or a park, a lift or even a restaurant restroom. You may need to be careful with insects and itchy grass if you are in a park area, and sand is very abrasive so you may want to have a blanket handy. Be prepared for embarrassment if you do have an unwanted visitor. Also please note, there are laws against indecent exposure in public places, so if you care caught, have an explanation ready!
8. Light of your life
Turn off the lights and take a little torch. Guide the glow to areas of your body that you want him to lick or rub. Start with your neck, ears, nipples - go wherever you want him to explore. Even if it's a nonsexual area like your back, he has to pay attention to that area until you stop shining the flashlight on it.
9. Women love their bodies
Women who enjoy sex are comfortable with touching themselves, as that’s how they learn about their own bodies, what they like or don’t and how they can reach orgasm quickly or slowly depending on their mood. For women, there are other ways of having an orgasm and not just by having sex, and they control their erotic destiny: they know they can come whenever they want, and that makes them more confident and relaxed lovers.
10. Say ‘no’ to routine
Stash that remote away before you leave for work so that when you return, your partner is unlikely to find it. Have some we-time - talk about your day, walk your pets together and have a leisurely drink. After dinner, serve him a special dessert after the kids go to bed - but tell him that you two must feed each other with one spoon. Add a flirty ‘you lose if...’ to the game and watch how your evening pattern takes a stimulating change.
11. Old school of thought: Both partners should be equally active in bed
New school of thought: It's absolutely fine to handover all control or take charge, eitherway.
As it is all about sexual satisfaction and pleasure, why don’t you decide which way the wind will blow? Your man will love it if you take control! However, it doesn't mean that every time you make love it has to be exactly 50/50 score. Sometimes one of you is just too beat or burned-out to have the energy for a night of vigorous sex, but you can still lie back and have some fun.
12. Work on yourself
Excite yourself before the romp with candles, music and wine as you have a better chance of peaking repeatedly, if you are already aroused. The stronger your sexual energy before someone touches you, the easier it is to have one orgasm and even multiples.
13. Ditch the time slot
Who ever said that you have to have sex only at night? It’s a restricting notion, one that will have you feeling tired and dying to hit the pillow. Say Richa, 34, “Our best sex is around seven-thirty, when my husband and I both get home from work. We are so charged that just seeing him still look handsome makes my pulses race. We strip off our clothes and have a steamy session. In fact, we both spend the afternoon looking forward to this time!” Happy hour isn't the only prime time to pounce. The timings could vary, for some it may be only weekend afternoons or but for the others, it’s the first thing pre-work. "Seven in the morning is the only time we have to ourselves, so that's when we get it on," says Anjali, 37. "From a sedate once a week to almost every morning, we are the new sexaholics on the block!"
14. Play games
What if your wife asked you if she could rub her face against your bare chest, if she could kiss your nipples and if she could undo your pants? But why would she ask for permission? Be truthful, wouldn’t you feel more aroused with each permission you were granting? Madhav agreed and said, “Part of it is hearing what she would do next, and part of it was the idea that I was actually granting her favours, like she wanted it so badly and needed to make me happy too.”
15. Eyes open wide
Try not to switch off the light tonight, as you will be turned on by what you see. Don’t be self-conscious as both men and women are stimulated by erotic visuals, according to an Archives of Sexual Behavior study. Try keeping the lights on and your eyes open (this also aids communication, as you can see what pleases your partner). Making love in front of mirrors or using video cameras is a variation on the same theme. The effort pays off. Once you begin to appreciate foreplay as an integral part of sexual satisfaction and the stronger marriage that comes with it, will always be just one short step away.
16. Crackle in the kitchen
The bedroom may get boring after a while, so change in location is sure to help. The kitchen slabs may be cold, but who has the time to think about it. Take care to keep sharp objects stashed away.
17. When you have 60 seconds
Try one of these super hot moves, made to fit any schedule!
Plan a sex Saturday: Slip into his shirt pocket a note that says, "Saturday, sex all day. Mobile phones, friends and relatives not invited. Be there in our bedroom."
Try the direct route: Take his hand, place it on your thigh - and then slide it higher, and higher...
18. Light, feathery kisses
A kiss on the hand is not the prerogative of only women, men too love being kissed on their hands. Place the tip of your tongue on the webbed area at the base of his fingers, then slowly slide your way up the side. This move will give him goose bumps because this area is as sensitive as his inner ear. This will drive him completely crazy.
19. Novel love
Be intense, be dramatic, be what you read in romance novels. Take as much time as possible. Be loving about it with a hint of nostalgia and emotion. Chances are both of your will be rejuvenated not only sexually, but emotionally as well.
20. Sleep in the buff
Skin on silk or even fine cotton is a heady combination. Try dropping your inhibitions and step by step to sleeping with no clothes on. You may find sleep difficult as you are not used to it, but trust me, it will lead to sexy dreams, a tantalizing cuddle... and plentiful more.