Too many Sex Babas are driving this reporter crazy; add to it a foreigner friend who is all crazy about sex. the lesson: Spirituality in sex ain't that easy
Lately, a 'spiritual quest' first-timer friend, who recently landed in India, has been complaining. "Now a days, whenever I think of sex, the images of the fornicating godmen crop up in my mind," she grumbles. "Is it something to do with Tantric Sex? " she questions. 
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Not only these just-exposed ichchadhari babas are messing up with my friend's sex life and my normal life, but are also giving birth to a delusion about one of India's greatest gifts to the West.
So dear friend, who landed from foreign shores with dog-eared books on Kamasutra, these men can give you a discourse on running a prostitution empire or grabbing acres of land successfully, but they have nothing to do with that thing called Tantric sex.
To help you, I found out a number of theories depicting various viewpoints over the definition of Tantra. One of the popular ones states Tantra as a religious philosophy, in which 'Shakti' is the main deity of worship. It focuses on spiritual practices and ritualistic form of worship.
Tantric sex evolved from early Hindu Tantra, as a sensible means of catalysing biochemical alteration in the human body to aid an enhanced sense of awareness. "And then, in the Sixties, it went West and came to be identified as a popular technique to heighten sexual well being," explained Dr. Vinod Chebbi, Director, The Medisex Foundation. So, today, Hollywood actress Scarlett Johansson has lengthy sex sessions with her actor boyfriend Josh Hartnett, while rapper P Diddy floors model Kim porter with Tantric sex sessions which last 30 hours!
Practitioners focus on various techniques like mind focus, breathing, muscle contraction, spiritual sound energy projection and nutrition among others. "A lot of people from abroad, who are stressed and have a deteriorating marital life, come to us seeking guidance. Practiced in a correct way, it can solve a lot of marital problems and help one achieve a robust sex life," added Dr Chebbi.
But I discovered unfortunately, it seems to have vanished from the very country where it originated. "There are a very few genuine practitioners who can guide in the correct way. We tried to look for workshops this season, and it landed us in Haridwar.
And it didn't turn out the way we expected," disclosed Mitzi Gerber, who came to India with her husband from Germany and kept looking for someone to guide them on Tantric sex. Another Finnish couple did try contacting a spiritual healer whose 'expertise' was Tantric sex, but they realised she was someone who simply wanted to make a quick buck. "Today, we stick to books, and I feel they are a safe, sure medium," they said.
Then, there are organisations like Tantrananda School of Tantra, that organise Tantra workshops, but they, too, have a word of caution for those looking to learn the art. "Go only to the genuine ones," cautions Guru Bhakti Shakti, who is behind the school.
So, start with the books, instead of watching Sex Babas on TV and getting mystically muddled up. Nothing works as well.
Grab these books before you grab 'em
1. Desire: The Tantric Path to awakening, by Daniel Odier
2. The essence of Tantric sexuality, by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson
3. Kiss of the Yogini : Tantric Sex in its South Asian Contexts, by David Gordon Brown
4. Red Hot Tantra: Erotic Secrets of Red Tantra for Intimate, Soul-to-Soul Sex and Ecstatic, Enlightened Orgasms, by David Ramsdale and Cynthia W. Gentry
5. Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: The Key to Enriching Your Sexual Life, by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson
6. Tantra - Discovering the Power of Pre-Orgasmic Sex, byYogani
In order to feel more self-assured, attractive, and sexy in your own (bare) skin, you’re going to need to spend time doing things unclothed—besides just showering and having sex. I’m not suggesting anything extreme, just an assortment of activities to do, designed to gently nudge you out of your covered-up comfort zone.
- Take a Bath
- Share Dinner in the Nude
- Snooze in the Nude
- Get a Massage
- Get Fitted for Sexy Lingerie
- Take that Nude Photo
The first date is a significant moment in any mating ritual—but it’s usually accompanied by sweaty palms, nervous excitement and an uncontrollable tendency to ramble. We’ve all been there. It’s no wonder we watched in awe as Andy Anderson demonstrated the top dating no-no’s in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. (Maybe we identified with them more than we care to admit!) If you want to make sure your first date leads to a second, toss that love fern aside, quit daydreaming about the wedding and check out these four essential tips:
1. Location is Everything
Sitting down to a quiet candlelit dinner can be completely daunting. Keep things social by opting for seats at the bar and ordering tapas to share—that way, you’ll also avoid the formality of sitting through a four-course meal. Don’t be afraid to get out of the restaurant scene altogether. Sign up for a wine tasting, check out an art exhibit or tee up for a round of mini-putt—they’re all great ways to take the pressure off the conversation.
2. Glam Gal
A sense of style can reveal a lot about a person, so announce yourself. Are you Bohemian? Edgy? Classic? Make sure you wear something he’ll remember. And show some skin! The temperatures may be dropping outside, but that’s no excuse to hide behind a turtleneck. Feeling attractive and sexy will build your confidence, and confidence is the most important accessory a girl can have.
3. Stay Positive
Just like laughing is contagious, smiles are too—and both can go a long way. Don’t let your nerves get the best of you. Keep the mood light (and your date at ease) by showing off those pearly whites. Chances are he is as nervous as you, so don’t hesitate to throw him a compliment—if you think he looks handsome, tell him!
4. Lighten Up
There’s no need to divulge work woes, family secrets or your dating past, so keep the conversation light by focusing on your date. Ask him about his job, hobbies or favourite travel destination. By taking an interest in him, you’re more likely to make a good impression. But be aware. If you’ve been blessed with the gift of gab, give yourself a breather every once in a while. Pauses in conversation are natural and can be a perfect opportunity to play up the body language: extended stares, flirty smiles or even a little game of footsy.
When you first fall in love, you can't imagine it will ever end. But as your relationship grows, the excitement and passion naturally ebb and flow - ebbing more often the longer you are together.
The secrets to lasting love are actually quite simple.
Read on to join the ranks of longtime lovers.
1. Touch
This sounds obvious but if you've been with your guy a while, you may notice that you don't touch him as often. In the early days, there's a lot of contact: you intentionally brush his arm in the movie theatre, you grab his knee under the table at dinner, you give him neck rubs, stroke his hair - you can't get enough of each other.
After a while, though, you may forget how important these sweet interactions are. Take the time now to cuddle, hug and hold hands. This is about communicating without words, and it will make your bond stronger.
2. Laugh
A good guffaw will get you through the good times and the bad. Watch funny movies and TV shows together, share inside jokes, find something funny about something every day. Studies have shown that laughter improves your health and the quality of your life. So get together with your guy and get the giggles.
3. Fight (fairly)
You won't always agree and sometimes the words you exchange won't always be entirely friendly - take heart: fighting is actually necessary in every good relationship.
The reverse - bottling up anger and frustration - will only turn you into a tense, festering partner, ready to blow at any moment. Definitely not a good conflict management strategy. So do yourself (and him) a favour, and don't be afraid of the occasional fight. But always fight fairly. Don't air every grudge you've ever held, and don't enumerate every single thing he's ever done wrong. Stick to the topic at hand, and don't sink to insults and hurtful remarks.
If you get nasty with your guy, he'll remember those words long after the fight is forgotten.
4. Date
Treat every date like it's the first one: buy a new outfit, take time with your makeup and hair, reserve a table at a fancy restaurant.
Treat each other the way you would on a first or second date, and you'll be surprised by how special and alive it makes both of you feel.
5. Snog
You may think you've already got this covered, but there are always new ways to spice up your sex life. If you do it routinely three times a week, get a little crazy and go for a fourth. Wake him up in the middle of the night for an erotic massage. Read something sexy together. Surprise him with some new lingerie (or accessories for the nightstand drawer).
Nurturing your time between the sheets is a way to stay playful and keep an intimate bond.
6. Compliment
Does your guy have a great butt, wonderful eyes, or does he fill out a t-shirt like no one else can? Maybe he's diligent about paying the bills on time, fixing plumbing problems or getting rid of telemarketers? Whatever it is he excels at, tell him.
It's so easy, in long term relationships, to focus on what he doesn't do, on what you wish he did better. Take a moment to point out the positive. Guys love compliments as much as we do. Plus, it's an active reminder of why you fell in love with him in the first place - and that will make you feel entirely grateful.
What's your secret for everlasting love? Let us know what keeps your fires burning!
Two weeks after my latest breakup (I ended things with the 22-year-old I talked about in a recent column), I kept thinking how I never stick with things for long. I had the creeping suspicion that my heart was a steely machine that pumped antifreeze into my unfeeling extremities. Then I went out with Strawberry (you'll see why I call her that), and everything changed.
Strawberry used to date an acquaintance of mine, and we stayed in e-mail touch since they broke up — no innuendo, just wisecracks and innocent banter about food and books. When we made plans to grab a drink — a reunion, not a date — I was totally unprepared for what happened.
Over the course of three hours, Strawberry went from girl-next-door cute to grown-woman irresistible. And, no, the shift wasn't because of alcohol or how great she looked in skinny jeans or even how her red hair fell over her shoulders in shiny tidal waves. Here's what did it.
She wasn't afraid to be goofy
I don't take myself too seriously and tend to have a hard time with people who do. I remember how one ex, Jenny, was borderline obsessed with what other people thought. Once when I dared to dance a little shimmy on an elevator, she glared at me and hissed, "Never do that again," like I was a misbehaving toddler. But Strawberry encouraged my silliness — even my bad Italian accent — onlookers be damned. Better still, she made funny faces and told even funnier dirty jokes.
I don't take myself too seriously and tend to have a hard time with people who do. I remember how one ex, Jenny, was borderline obsessed with what other people thought. Once when I dared to dance a little shimmy on an elevator, she glared at me and hissed, "Never do that again," like I was a misbehaving toddler. But Strawberry encouraged my silliness — even my bad Italian accent — onlookers be damned. Better still, she made funny faces and told even funnier dirty jokes.
She could talk about anything
From whiskey to Lady Gaga, Strawberry could dish about the lowbrow (Jersey Shore) and the high (the vacation she wanted to take to Tuscany). I was left feeling like she was a woman who is neither stuck up nor uncivilized.
From whiskey to Lady Gaga, Strawberry could dish about the lowbrow (Jersey Shore) and the high (the vacation she wanted to take to Tuscany). I was left feeling like she was a woman who is neither stuck up nor uncivilized.
She was happy
A week earlier, I had gone out with someone who was as cranky as she was sexy — she complained abouteverything. Who wants to hear about long lines at OfficeMax? Or that every man she knows is a baby? Strawberry was amped about life, and if she had baggage, she sure didn't unpack it at the table. It was clear she loves her job and her friends.
A week earlier, I had gone out with someone who was as cranky as she was sexy — she complained abouteverything. Who wants to hear about long lines at OfficeMax? Or that every man she knows is a baby? Strawberry was amped about life, and if she had baggage, she sure didn't unpack it at the table. It was clear she loves her job and her friends.
She's into literature, swimming, music — and more things I haven't heard about yet but want to. Here was a woman who exuded satisfaction and clearly didn't need a man to give her a sense of well-being. She had some kind of energy that shut off that Seinfeldian part of me that scrutinizes behaviors to see if they'll drive me crazy. As she talked, I sat there visualizing us coming home after a stressful day at work and laughing it off over wine. I could see us doing that for years — forever. Yeah, I was that hooked.
Drinks turned into dinner, dinner to more drinks, and then we kissed before she descended the subway stairs. She tried to wipe her strawberry lip gloss from my mouth, but I tasted it the whole way home and felt like I'd just watched a good movie. I kept replaying the scenes.
I don't know how ready I am to be with just one person. But I do know this: It was a lot easier to dismiss the idea of commitment before I spent three sweet hours with Strawberry. So I'll be seeing her next week — and hopefully a lot more after that. Hey, maybe there's a warm, beating heart in there after all.
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