Want your first time to be rom-com perfect? We’ve had experts draw up a checklist for you just so that it’s the best performance of your life 

You’re getting married and among your list of reception, baraat and phera preparations, there’s gearing up for your honeymoon. Or perhaps you and your partner are ready to take your relationship to the next level. Don’t let anxiety dampen the day. Just follow these tips and precautions for an unforgettable time. 

Get on the same page 
Couples counselling will demystify sex. “There’s a vast difference between male and female sexuality,” says Minnu Bhonsle, consulting psycho-therapist and relationships counsellor, “and hence each one’s expectations are different. Male sexuality is more body oriented, while female sexuality is emotion oriented.” Such a session helps set realistic expectations and establish attitudes towards sexual intercourse. You could do this on your own by just talking about it or creating a multiple choice quiz for your partner about the things you like. It’s only fair that you take the quiz too. 

Look to please 
It’s a given that you look your best, but you don’t need to be aggressively sexual. A clean set of boxers or a matching cotton set works as good as a lacy garter. If you’re a couple with a sense of fun, carry it to the bedroom. Be a sexy secretary or wear men’s briefs. But leave the kinky stuff for later, you don’t want to scare your partner off. And don’t forget to wax, shave, shampoo and perfume yourself. In fact, take a day off for vanity’s sake. Let the make-up you wear be the water-proof, smudge-proof type that doesn’t make you look like the Joker the morning after. 

Don’t buy the hype 
Hindi movies have made much money from riding on the suhaag raat cliché. Likewise, an extensive education by pornography will leave a real encounter disappointing. Give yourself a little more time for exploration. Get a place that ensures privacy and relaxation. You aren’t going to score a sixer in a house filled with extended family; and if you plan to do it in a rent-by-the-hour shack, you’ll be more traumatised than aroused. Self-consciousness and pressure can make the process painful for women or cause arousal problems in men. Book yourself a beach-side vacation or plan this over a weekend getaway. If you rent your own apartment, pack your roomie off for the weekend and give the bai the day off. 

Talk protection 
Fear of pregnancy or STDs will play damper with the mood, so make sure you have a pack of condoms close at hand. Contraceptive pills may not agree with some women, are less effective and do not protect against STDs. If you’ve never used a condom before, practise putting it on so that you don’t fumble or mis-time the while thing on the D-day. 

Take minimum assistance 
Don’t let your enthusiasm carry you away into lubricants and wine. “It may be a common romantic notion to relax over a glass of wine,” says Bhonsle, “but studies show that wine makes it hard for a man to have an erection or retain it.” Similarly, don’t rely on artificial lubricants unless as a medical necessity. “If a woman is properly aroused, she will be wet enough to make penetration relatively painless,” says Bhonsle, so prolong the foreplay or use your fingers to dilate her until she’s ready. 

Learn the moves 
Do your biology homework to know what’s where. Start by giving each other a massage and move on from there. Notice what makes him/her groan harder, but don’t keep repeating the moves; switch between them to keep things interesting. Assume some responsibility for your climax. Guide your partner if you know what you like. If one of you has a greater sexual appetite, make it your responsibility to keep your partner interested. 

Tune into the fun 
Besides taking your relationship to the next level, sex is primarily supposed to be a lot of fun. Laugh off embarrassments, don’t dwell on them. Read erotic literature aloud to each other, play strip poker, take baths together... It’s not just about the wham, bam.